10% I woke up confused in a hotel room, looked over and realized, “Oh right, I fucked a celebrity” smiled a bit and went back to sleep.

9% Realized I was content with my life

8% I take that back, help me I only have 8% battery life and I need a ride home.

7% Wondering why you didn’t text me all weekend

6% My sex life is not for you to explain to your friends, I am in control you cannot shame me.

5% Why haven’t my friends picked me up yet?

4% Wishing you were texting me but realized you were probably three beers in at 8am and realized you are too self absorbed to remember my name

3% If you aren’t 3 beers in, maybe you were in someone else?


1% It’ll be okay.