Archives for the month of: July, 2013

Thought Catalog

I ask that you please watch this from beginning to end. It is extremely powerful. Keep in mind, as they tell you at the end: all of the events that you are about to watch are true stories. [tc-mark]

You should like Thought Catalog on Facebook here.

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We live in a world obsessed with our phones and ourselves. Yes I am a part of a generation that cares more about their instagram followers than their health. I personally do love having my iPhone on me at almost all times, but I like it because it tends to help me out of awkward situations, I can sit on my phone and veg out when I do not need people talking to me about how vapid their existence actually is.

I currently have 1,578 friends on Facebook. Do you think I talk to them all? Not a chance in hell, actually for the most part I probably dislike them so what I have decided to for the past year or so is every day I am on and I see if it someone’s birthday, I delete them if I don’t speak to them or do not know them or do not like them. I spent four years in high school trying to appease everyone and talk to everyone. Now what I do is try to avoid people at all costs. It isn’t so much that I dislike people, it is just that I dislike everything my generation stands for. We are so vapid and self centered. How is anyone in this generation supposed to run a country one day when we can’t even write out a check properly?  It frightens me to know that not everyone is like me (and I don’t mean to be so self absorbed as to think my shit don’t stink, I am aware my shit stinks probably worse than yours but I volunteer my time and travel and try to make friends throughout the world because I know that there are good people around you just have to find them when they aren’t instagraming their meal for the night).  Now if I delete you on a social media site; like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. do not come out and ask me why I did it, because 1. Why the hell do you even know someone has unfollowed you? Are you that obsessed with yourself that you think everyone loves what you have to post. No one truly gives a shit because everyone is too worried about what they are about to post that when they like your stuff they only do it in hopes of you liking their shit, so that they can get more likes and more followers. No one really gives a rats ass about your meal choice or where you are at night? Because let us be honest for once why should they? 

That is my angry rant about my generation.

However, I have seen some amazing acts of love, kindness, respect, and courage from this generation of 20somethings so don’t think we are all terrible vapid people. Some of us still care.

-S

I want to clarify a few things before I start writing: I have never done an illegal drug in my life or a legal drug in my life unless it has been prescribed to me, so when I had my wisdom teeth out the Vicodin the prescribed to me hits me hard man. Thus begins the Vicodin rambling now:

Vicodin has an interesting affect on me. It takes the pain away from me but it also has seemed to make me extremely horny and extremely honest. You know what they say, “write drunk, edit sober” I guess in this case write high. I have decided to only take the pill to help me sleep at night that seems to be when the pain is the worst and I can’t get to bed. I have noticed that I would not normally text people in a normal state to tell them to come over and have sex, but on Vicodin it seems to be like that is a new fun thing I like to do is text people I want to/have slept with already to come over and sleep with me.  I have realized in the haze of my “drunk” mind that I do not care about what people think of my sexual escapades; mainly because we as humans should be able to be sexually free and sexually open.  If as Americans we lived more sexually open and less violently the USA would be a less frightening place to live in. We learn through what we see, we grow up watching movies infused with violence, war, pain, suffering.  Yet, we throw real sex on the telly and one million moms or some nondescript (primarily white) organization is all up in arms because “of the children” meanwhile those same children that they are trying to protect are learning how to inject heroin by the age of 13-14.  If we teach children by what we show them. I would rather the youth of America be sexually open (and safe of course) than shooting up a movie theatre or a classroom full of innocent teenagers. Than we just full the idea for more sociopaths growing up seeing all this crime on the news and they are now thinking that they will be famous for the murders they commit. So tell me again why we are so ashamed of our own anatomy? It is the lack of control of gun laws that we should be more concerned about and less about seeing some woman on the big screen with her tits in the air. We then call a man a hero when he sleeps around and a woman is a slut. There is no difference everyone should be free to sleep with whomever and however many people they like as long as they are healthy and safe while doing so.  And I am not just saying this because I am high and horny on painkillers. It is the truth and people should just be able to experience the lust of others without feeling ashamed to tell people after it happens if that is what they choose to do.  I believe in being a slut because you should not have to label someone by who they sleep with.

That is probably all for now.

-S

Haven’t blogged in a while. The inspirational has run dry for me and I don’t quite know how to get it back. My life has changed in so many ways. These last 4 weeks shaped me in a way I never thought I would be molded to. From listening to people in my bed room have sex at 3 am, neither of which were my roommates.  Too having so many tears that I lost count because I had to say goodbye to a life I struggled so hard to give up on many times, but once it ended I wanted it back. I wanted the good, the bad, the ugly. I want it all the pain I went through the depression I faced, the love I made.  The fights I had. I wanted it all back (and I still do) I miss my team more than words describe I still have struggled with the new normal I had faced being back home. Than I leave to go to Mexico with some old friends and I was faced with a new challenge. Enjoying relaxation. It had been so long since I perfected the art of doing nothing. I spent a year working odd hours, doing odd jobs with ever so unique people. And here I am in the sun of Mexico getting drunk beyond repair just because I could and it was the strangest feeling ever. Being with people I hadn’t seen in years and making so many new friends with so many new unique stories.  Bonds I formed from strange scenarios that the average person does not get involved in.  Finally, signing my lease to my first apartment in Chicago. (Sidebar: The windy city which is only windy because of it’s politics not because of the wind).  I feel like an adult I feel weird that I will be in a city I know nothing about with people I have never met, doing work I have only ever dreamed of. To feeling like a slut when there is absolutely nothing to feel slutty about because sexual freedom isn’t freedom is you cannot freely express yourself to those you are closest too. I believe in sex, love, and lust.  I believe that you can have sexual partners and you can sexually explore others and yourself without being ashamed. But that is just ramblings. 

I come home from Mexico and I find out that my best friend who I have known for years has written a book. Something I have been yearning to do for years and years now and I just can’t get the words out to do it. I am so proud of her but I am upset I had no idea about her book writing because I feel like a shitty friend because I had no idea about any of this. But maybe I should be less wrapped up in my life and worried about my friends more.

I have no passion left inside of me right now. I want to write and love and understand and feel and I can’t do that if I feel numb.

We are all just very lost souls hopelessly floating around trying to find another soul in this life to float with so we don’t feel so hopeless. 

-S